Hello hello! Here I am again (if I can pay anyone to come up with a more original opening statement then just let me know!). I guess I’ll just jump straight in; I’m moving back out to uni! Bloody hell, I know. I didn’t see it coming either, but here we are and off I go. So, why this blog post? Well, we all know that change can be hard. I’m excited as hell to move back out to university but I’m also terrified of the pressure of third year and I guess that when those pressures come, we all need things to comfort us and make us feel better. Like most people, I have ‘those’ things that get me back to me and those things that act as that warm hug when I need it and I guess today, I thought I could share them with you in case you were looking for something to give you that warm hug, too.
So, let’s begin with the hug, of course, *sends virtual, unshitty, real squishy kinda’ ‘you got this’, kind of hug*. If you’re reading this, then you’re probably sitting exactly where so many pre-uni students have sat before; in some void of the unknown. Starting anything new can be daunting, but starting university can definitely take daunting to the next level. There’s so many different aspects to university life, like moving out of your home town, moving out of your house, moving in with complete strangers, studying at a higher level and having to manage money like you’ve potentially never managed money before. These big life changes definitely make room for some ‘oh shit, I’m terrified’ moments, and believe me, I think every university student who made it out of first year alive (partly due to alcohol) had some of those on the lead up to freshers week. So, first of all, what I’m trying to say is, be reassured; be assured that so many people are feeling the way you do now. A lot of people are probably thinking ‘what if I don’t make friends?’ ‘What if my flat-mates don’t like me?’ ‘What if I hate it?’ and equally, a lot of people are probably not thinking, ‘this is gonna’ be absolutely fine.’ ‘Everyone is going to love me.’ ‘I am completely comfortable with diving head first into the unknown’. So, yes, be reassured, like I say, everyone is going to be feeling some sort of nervousness and as long as you don’t let that nervousness stop you, then you’re already on your way! These next few years of your life could be the ones you’ve been waiting for, the ones where you grow individually, academically and in so many other ways than you’ve ever grown before, it’s just about getting over that first terrifying hurdle. (In all honesty, though, I was shitting myself from the moment I got my UCAS e-mail, so I know, it’s completely easier said than done, I feel ya’.) When I was planning this blog post, I essentially tried to think to myself, ‘what do I wish someone had told me the week before freshers?’ and hopefully, these things will reassure you, like they would’ve reassured me. *Ends hug, pats on back, begins*.
The past few weeks of my life have been a little strange. A little bitter, uncomfortable and a little shit, if I’m honest. The last time I wrote a blog post, the weeks prior had also been a little shit, and I should’ve expected this, really. I’ve gone on about this in about three blog posts now, but it’s pretty current in my life – and expect will be for quite a while – and is affecting me in a lot of ways. Breaking up with someone is usually an unpleasant experience. For me, it’s probably the most unpleasant thing I’ve ever done – I’d even rate it above A-Levels, and that’s a pretty big statement. I think when you break up with someone, you’re forced into this strange, unfamiliar, unpleasant, metaphorical and emotional place. For some – depending on the situation, obviously – it might be a bitter, angry place. For others, it may be of deep sadness and some people may even find it to be a place of solitude and relief, but for me, it’s definitely a place I’m not entirely comfortable in and a place I didn’t expect to be in.
Picture the scene. You’re bored – or probably procrastinating – and you see someone has shared a post on facebook entitled ’50 Questions to ask a girl if you really want to know who she is.’ Despite having a billion other things to do, or a billion other potential activities to immerse yourself in, you open up the page and begin to answer the questions in your head. They make you think and all of a sudden, you’re writing the answers in a blog post. Here we go (lol)!
So I am writing this post at half past 11 on my birthday and I’ve had a lovely day. I saw my family and had a nice night out with my friends on Saturday and overall this birthday has been a lot less terrifying than the last one – and by that, I mean by my 18th being a hideous anxiety ridden night of terror.
I’m kind of just doing this so I can get it out because I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately and I think that I just need to put it somewhere instead of keeping it all in my head.
So I finished my teaching practice at the start of February and have had some time off since then. After my placement I was kind of happy to be finished – purely because it meant I could sleep – but I was also pretty sad because I enjoyed it so much. Since then I’ve kind of been feeling a little bit ‘meh’. I’m not sure why, but I just think I’ve been feeling a little rubbish and have been overthinking everything to the point where my head is like ????????
Okay, so it’s been 3 months since I last did this, and throughout the time I haven’t, I kinda’ missed it. I’m not sure it’s just the human part of me that likes to talk about my feelings, or whether it’s just because I’ve wanted to write something – or anything.
In the 3 months that have passed, I’ve started University, completed my first 8 week teaching placement, been to London and done a few more things that I’m not sure I would’ve saw myself doing a few years back. I guess now, I’ll tell you a little about them. 🙂
For someone who has feared maths for almost the entirety of their life , the QTS numeracy skills test required in order to teach/train to be a teacher, was a complete nightmare for me.
For anyone who wonders why this is, I will explain to the best of my ability (because English was definitely my preferred subject).