Oh 2017…

*Tries to resist beginning this blog post with ‘well…’*

Well…well, well, well. What a year. You can already hear the choruses of people everywhere reflecting on their year and beginning with that sentence, can’t you? But my oh my, what a year. I’m currently sat in bed with a cup of tea in my new favourite mug (the bottom one – I bloody love it) watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks – the chances of me having a cuppa, who would’ve thought it? – and I’m excited to write this blog post. I’m excited for it to make me think and I’m excited to reminisce and reflect, and also to eat something delicious for tea later on. (Bedknobs and Broomsticks is also making me think about the questionable comments Angela Lansbury made recently regarding sexual harassment and assault on women – bloody hell, Ang’, as if 2017 hadn’t let us down enough.) So I guess we should just jump straight into it.

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A little bit of (Monica) comfort

Hello hello! Here I am again (if I can pay anyone to come up with a more original opening statement then just let me know!). I guess I’ll just jump straight in; I’m moving back out to uni! Bloody hell, I know. I didn’t see it coming either, but here we are and off I go. So, why this blog post? Well, we all know that change can be hard. I’m excited as hell to move back out to university but I’m also terrified of the pressure of third year and I guess that when those pressures come, we all need things to comfort us and make us feel better. Like most people, I have ‘those’ things that get me back to me and those things that act as that warm hug when I need it and I guess today, I thought I could share them with you in case you were looking for something to give you that warm hug, too.

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In the ‘Dicksand’

So, I’m writing this blogpost after a few weeks of being on a rollercoaster I haven’t been on in a while. This rollercoaster, which I was intending to explain in another blog post – saved in the drafts, forgive me – is the rollercoaster of feelings. Vulnerable, mildly terrifying and kinda’ shit feelings. I’m in that zone of feelings where everything feels kind of exciting and kind of scary at the same time, and that, after being in a two year relationship is pretty damn hard.

To tell you the truth, I feel frustrated. I feel out of my comfort zone, vulnerable and pretty fucking emotional about the whole thing. I’m not sure I’ve come across the right guy to do this ‘thing’ with, first of all, partly because he kinda’ makes me feel a little bit like shit and you know what the worst thing is? I let him. I literally let him. Who ever wants to be that person who lets someone make them feel like that? I think I let him because I feel vulnerable and want to be liked. I want him to be interested and want to talk to me. But through wanting that so badly, I have fallen into something that How to be Single’s Robin (Rebel Wilson) referred to as ‘the dicksand’ – the concept that Sophie Kaufman defines as ‘setting our hard-worn identity aside for the sake of a sexy man.’

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