So, I’m writing this blogpost after a few weeks of being on a rollercoaster I haven’t been on in a while. This rollercoaster, which I was intending to explain in another blog post – saved in the drafts, forgive me – is the rollercoaster of feelings. Vulnerable, mildly terrifying and kinda’ shit feelings. I’m in that zone of feelings where everything feels kind of exciting and kind of scary at the same time, and that, after being in a two year relationship is pretty damn hard.
To tell you the truth, I feel frustrated. I feel out of my comfort zone, vulnerable and pretty fucking emotional about the whole thing. I’m not sure I’ve come across the right guy to do this ‘thing’ with, first of all, partly because he kinda’ makes me feel a little bit like shit and you know what the worst thing is? I let him. I literally let him. Who ever wants to be that person who lets someone make them feel like that? I think I let him because I feel vulnerable and want to be liked. I want him to be interested and want to talk to me. But through wanting that so badly, I have fallen into something that How to be Single’s Robin (Rebel Wilson) referred to as ‘the dicksand’ – the concept that Sophie Kaufman defines as ‘setting our hard-worn identity aside for the sake of a sexy man.’